It's Okay To Be Excited Again ...

I love working on a new project.  I love to meet a friend for coffee and catch up.  I love cooking and making special snacks for my family.  I love attending bible studies, studying God's word and being in community with others.  These are things I used to get excited about.

Before depression hit a few years ago, I was motivated, engaged, EXCITED to get out there and do all of these things.  I loved life.  One thing I have learned and found interesting since I have come through the other side of depression and have healed is that I lost some of that excitement.  In fact if I'm honest, I lost most of it.  It wasn't that I didn't care anymore, I was just SO glad to be out of the pit of depression that coasting along and staying even was fine with me.  That was success, a check in the win column.  I had often thought and wondered if that's just the way it would be from now on.  If being at that even place was enough for me simply because I knew the deep despair of depression so well and was completely thankful that I was not in THAT place any longer ... was it really enough?

And then just recently something occurred to me.  A thought crossed my mind.  I was getting ready to report back to my school for the new school year and before I went I thought "I'm excited to go back this year."  Almost before I completed the thought I immediately dismissed it.  Dismissed allowing myself to feel the excitement and joy.  Why?  Because after we have hit that low place, whether it is depression, loss, or some other type of tragedy ... We Fear.  Fear that we don't want to experience that kind of hurt, disappointment, sadness or despair again.  Fear that things will go tragically wrong somehow again.  Fear that we will slip into that place we said we'd never go to again.  And so we stay exactly right where we are because at least we know it's safe there.  It's natural and normal to want to protect ourselves.  But if we put that wall up and don't allow ourselves to feel or experience those highs again then we can't live life to the fullest.  Yes, it can be scary ... but I believe it is worth it.

This year I am teaching Bible at my school.  I love studying God's word, learning it and discussing it.  It is a new experience, a new type of project with new opportunities.  And yes, I am very excited about it!  And even though there is a hint of fear in the background, it feels good to be excited and to share that with others.  It is time.

What about you?  Have you been in the same place I have been?  Are you afraid to feel those feelings of motivation and excitement?  Give yourself permission.  Dare to feel deeply, to invest, to laugh, to trust.  

Because it IS okay to be excited again ... and again, and again, and again.